


Living Proof

by EriiErii



Series: Kiransona Collection [8]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Biting, Body Worship, Comfort Sex, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Insecurity, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:26:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24407260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EriiErii/pseuds/EriiErii
Summary: Hel was defeated. While everyone was celebrating, Lif was stressed to the breaking point for so long leading up to her defeat that he was left at a loss of how to feel. In his previous life of losing his beloved summoner, and having her regain those lost memories in this new time, he tried to slip away with Erin to better sort out his feelings and process them. Though insecure of the many ways his body was forcibly transformed and changed leading up to this victory, it took his summoner appreciating his features when he himself spent so long in self-loathing.
Relationships: Líf/Summoner | Eclat | Kiran
Series: Kiransona Collection [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652392
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Living Proof

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! For post updates, questions, art and general random silliness in between, check me out at eriisaam.tumblr.com for more!

It was done. Finally, she was gone.

For all their suffering, for all the loss it took to make this a reality, Hel was killed.

Lif should've been happy, perhaps moreso beyond what he knew he could do to fully express such. His lovers wasted very little time celebrating it, as had all their friends and allies alike, and he couldn't blame them for the mood of the atmosphere or the prominence of various drinks, but…

Despite him _trying_ to get into the spirit of such festivities, he had to excuse himself and keep his distance. Yes, they won _this_ time. Things went so much better _this time._ He wouldn't dream of wishing for any other outcome, but… was he wrong to feel the way he had?

For the bright faces he saw, and for the ways they seemed so happy and relieved, Lif bottled his thoughts behind a very weak, very faint smile and a stubborn insistence to him to keep his distance. He didn't want to bring down the mood to speak of it, but he couldn't erase the memories that still haunted him of having seen them all die once before. Surely, he was the only one to feel that besides Thrasir, and in some ways, he preferred to keep it as such. 

So it surprised him to see the summoner slip into the shadows the moment the rest of the crowd were the most distracted. Even if Lif had a similar plan, it gave him pause to see Erin sneak away first.

"...What? Too pooped to pop already?" She was initially fairly casual and joking in her tone, almost as usual. And yet, Lif couldn't help but notice her heart wasn't entirely in her words.

"Are you already tired as well?" He knew that their exhaustion wasn't the real point, but he still tried to humor her anyways. Perhaps it was exactly this that led her to suspect they had more in common in what currently ran through their thoughts than either of them were willing to share.

"Heh… Hey now, I can have my down times, too. It's a bit to take in still."

"... Yes. So it is…"

Or was it? He already felt terribly ungrateful that his first reaction was all this over share in the victory, but was it _really_ just a matter of feeling overwhelmed? 

He looked down to Erin as the summoner lightly brushed her shoulder against his arm. Her smile was still faint and almost tired, but she was still as warm as ever to him.

"Heheh, still… I'm glad you're here with us, Lif."

He hesitated. There was a moment he couldn't decide whether to look away, or to Erin, but regardless, he had an epiphany at the contact. The thought grew stronger when Erin patted him on the shoulder only to turn to leave.

"Yeah, well, whatever you decide to do, I think I'm turning in early-"

"Wait."

To his relief, she stopped in place. Initially, she tried to strengthen her smile in looking his way, but it almost completely faltered when she saw the look on Lif's face. She didn't know how to describe it perfectly, but it was a mix of insecurity and what almost seemed like fear. He was already fairly muted in his expressions before as it were, so to see this side to him gave her pause long enough for him to approach her and eventually take her hand.

He realized what he really wanted after all. 

Initially, he fumbled in his words. They were clumsy, he second-guessed himself, and the awkward manner he tried to ask Erin left him immediately self-conscious about the kind of request he _actually_ wanted, versus the kind of request he chickened out and vaguely implied instead. For how he was either incredibly assured, fueled with vengeance and regret, or otherwise melancholy and withdrawn, a shy, awkward Lif fumbling over his words was a rare enough sight to grip Erin’s attention that much more tightly. 

After all, the last time she saw him stammering and clumsily tripping over his own words, he was still named ‘Alfonse’. It was yet another glimpse to the side of Lif long since thought lost, and it made Erin even more sympathetic to be patient and open with him to pick him up and guess when his own confidence and words failed him.

In the end, she took his hand. Once she had a clear enough picture not only to guess where his desires lay, but have confidence it was exactly what she suspected, she led him away from the public eye and festive moods to retreat back to the calmer, quieter bedroom of their dormitory to figure out the rest.

“Alright.” She clapped her hands for a brief moment, and in a weak yet energetic manner just as she stripped to a simple undershirt and shorts. With Lif dressed heavily down similarly, she had him right where she wanted him. He likewise had everything he wanted all waiting for his own whims. It just took a bit more to guide him to take advantage of it in his lingering insecurities. “Have at it, I guess.”

“...” He couldn’t help but sigh, just as he watched her sit beside him on the bed again. “You treat this so calmly and casually, but… Are you certain?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Continuing the same optimism and casual tone as before, she didn’t exactly help inspire any better confidence in Lif, nor disproved his concerns either. He was slightly more willing to give up pressing further when Erin made a stronger argument for herself in the form of sneaking up behind him and massaging him by his shoulders, but it was barely such. “Just relax, will you?”

Easier said than done. He lost her once. He lost many of them once, but that night, the loss of Erin weighed heavily on his mind right then. He tried to smile to her, but the effort was so weak that it barely counted.

But that also brought him to the subject of what he _really_ wanted that night. 

“...Could you come over here?” He patted the area off to his side, right where the pillows were. Seeing the shoulder massage barely did much of anything to ease his tension or mood, Erin sighed in relenting rather quickly to move by his side.

As she settled, he took her hand. His movements were gentle, careful, and so well telegraphed, it left Erin briefly flustered of whether or not he expected her to flee at the slightest wrong twitch.

She didn’t _mind_ the contract, and it was far from her to tell him off of it, but while she felt the way he brushed his thumb gently at her skin, or how she felt the way his near-frozen hands greedily sapped at her body heat from the touch, it left her somewhat anxious of the way he kept treating her like she was made of porcelain, or with such small and mild gestures as if they were only just dating all over again.

“Heh… Lif, you know you’re ok to-”

“I know, but… Please…” 

She sighed, but stopped her point dead in its tracks. She wanted to reassure Lif she was fine with being handled a little rougher, or having more attention in other areas besides just her hand. However, with how weak and almost pleading Lif’s words were, it gave her enough pause to notice what he was doing with her hand specifically. 

It wasn’t just rubbing her hand with his thumb. It was like he was studying it. At first, she didn’t understand why, but then she could feel the subtle ways his hand was trembling to hold hers, even when he tried to be so careful not to show it. 

She gently clasped his hand in a gentle grip, and while he returned the grip in kind, he eventually let her go to study her arm, leading up to her shoulder. For her arm to be visible at all, Erin came a long way in her trust in her spouses, and moreso exposing just enough of her arm to see so many painful scars. For them to exist at all, it was painfully clear they were made before Erin's arrival to a world of healing magic and fast-acting treatments like vulneraries. 

Every scar Lif traced with his fingers, he remembered the stories he learned from both his doomed time, and from his time spent with Erin here. She would constantly make up all these tall tales behind her 'tiger stripes', as she called them now. She wrestled bears when she was a pre-teen, she landed wrong while going on some reconnaissance mission, bench-pressed eagles, looked at dragons wrong, etc. They were as ridiculous as it seemed, especially when she contradicted herself of telling a different tale over the same scar sometimes. And yet, he never called her out on it, then or now.

They both knew the truth, anyways. The _real_ cause were demons he couldn't see, the enemies she would never let any of them meet, and memories that cut far deeper than these stripes they left behind. 

"Erm… You seem rather distracted…"

She was lighthearted of them now. He couldn't ask for any better to come of it, short of going back in time to prevent her from being cursed with them in the first place. The memories were painful. The original meaning behind them had still sickened him and the others of just how close they were to losing Erin long before they could've met her. 

But now, she wore them proudly. He wanted to kiss every inch of each scar, and when Erin seemed more amused and playful in her frustrations, he gave in to such wants. He'd kiss into them new, better memories, all to reaffirm the strength she found to show them. He could hear her giggle under the contact from where his cold lips met with the warmth of her skin, but it did little to turn him away. If anything, he found just a little more strength in his smile.

But… then he went past the scars. He kissed just a bit higher, at her upper shoulders. He traveled to places much more familiar, and then right along to where he would've normally kissed her in far better moods and times: her cheeks, her lips, all along her face in general.

Again, she laughed more in her playful amusement. Again, his smile grew just a little stronger. 

"You're so warm…" He knew he was stating the obvious, and he knew moreso that it would only draw more attention to the ways his body greedily drank up her heat every time their bare skin came in contact with one another. Yet he couldn't help but let the words tumble out mid-sigh.

"And you're… you…" By contrast, Erin's confidence wavered at the last moment. He returned the favor with an eerie chill in place of warmth as among the reminders of what he once was that couldn't be erased. Any word to the contrary, even for the sake of flattery, would've been full of shit. They both knew... 

But he still appreciated her trying. And to her credit, she got him to chuckle a little.

And then, it was her turn.

He paused when he watched and felt the way Erin reached over to cup his cheek. At first, he froze up. It wasn't out of discomfort, but it was almost as if he felt that if he so much as breathed wrong, all was lost. But then she rubbed along his cheek, and slowly, his resistance crumbled in slowly nuzzling into her hand, then reaching to hold it in place with his own.

He also had his own scars. It wasn't as literal as her own, but she could still see them. He was left freezing to the touch no matter her warmth, his skin was a sickly pale tone no matter his newfound second life, and he had dark circles under his now red eyes no matter how well-rested he actually was. All of them were the more permanent fixtures of his looks, as to remind him of what he turned into.

Eventually, he couldn't help himself, and he hummed and purred to Erin's touch to his face. They were signs that gave away the _other_ thing he turned into, that served as his escape from Hel's grasp. He was a dragon within the confines of a human form, but he was _alive,_ and he was his own self again.

The tender look he gave her reminded her of the softer, gentler side of who he used to be. When he was filled with vengeance, and when he was clouded in his grief and outrage, it was far easier to hide it. But when he was as soft and tender like this, she could see what remained of Alfonse in him. He was hidden under so much pain and fear, but he was still Alfonse.

"Do you remember now…?"

His confidence wavered a little in his voice, but before he could help himself, he gave in to his temptation to ask. His eyes dulled so much in recognition of it all, and compared to before Erin regained her memories, he could already see faint tells in her eyes this was not the first time she held his face like this.

"You grew so sick last time… Yet even then, you thought more for our sake than your own. Even to the very end, you still put us before yourself…" He was careful not to remind her too heavily of her own death. It still haunted him of the day she remembered it, especially vividly enough to re-experience the pain of it all once again. Back then, he was so overcome with fear of losing her for the second time from the stress or fright of it all. And yet, she persevered. 

"Pfffth, you don't have to put it like that…"

“You don’t have to minimize it either…” Why would she keep doing it? He still was never entirely sure if it’s a force of habit, or her minimalizing her own pain yet again. Regardless of why, he always hated it, and tonight, he had even less patience for it than usual, shushing her before she could protest.

As her hand fell off his cheek, and as he let her, he moved closer in taking charge instead. He coaxed her gently to lay on her back, and in some ways, she coaxed him and led him to loom over her. It was his turn to hold her cheek. He took his time being so careful, cautious, gentle… all so long as Erin allowed him.

“You were laying like this last time, too…” His eyes seemed to glow a little. Unfortunately, it wasn’t out of eagerness, but grief. The context made the contrast between then and now sting that much more painfully. “But… everything about you this time is so much warmer…”

“Lif, I’m not going anywhere this time. Not for a good, long while.” Erin tried to be gentle in her own words likewise. She tried not to point out the obvious that at least she wasn’t on the brink of death this time, but as Lif shook his head, he gently corrected her.

“Your demeanor… Not just your life, but it’s your demeanor, too... The way you’re looking at me now… It’s hard to explain, but something in the look in your eyes seems softer… kinder…”

“It could just be the circumstances…” He was close enough to her to reach up and kiss him, and so she did. She barely gave him much of an inch to argue otherwise in favor of redirecting him from the past, to the warm, soothing present.

"Erin, I… don't leave me…"

He fell for it. Hard. Maybe in another time, he would've stopped to question it more, but right then, he was scared, grieving, and that much more aware of not only her life now, but how easily it faded back then. He faltered before he could kiss her. He rested her head against her upper chest, focusing more on her heartbeat than anything else. He could feel how Erin welcomed him in and held him close, and all he could do right then was nuzzle his cheek against her breasts while he continued to listen to her heart.

She couldn't do that to him. He was vulnerable, and he was still hurt.

This was not the time to twist the knife already inside him, nor would it ever be.

"Please…" His voice weakened and cracked. He still sought comfort to hear her heartbeat, but she could hear the way he softly pleaded not to have Hel suddenly show up again somehow to take it all away. They knew the truth, but she inspired a sense of fear in him that wasn't easy to dismiss for how recent her demise was.

"I'm here," Erin's voice cooed. She remained gentle, warm, and inviting no matter what Lif decided to do that night. If he couldn't muster his nerves past wanting to be coddled, so be it. "I'm still here, and I'll stay with you." 

He didn't need to know the full truth otherwise. 

The truth, as she remembered, was the Erin Lif lost that night had never loved him after all. 

She smiled, if weakly, all while rubbing Lif's shoulder and fussing over him. When she regained the memories of her other self, it took a while to sort between those memories and her current ones, but she managed.

Among them were the memories of Lif, and of him as Alfonse. In this life, Ryoma was too anxious, and he intervened before this Alfonse could've fractured their friendship permanently. Lif wasn't as fortunate in his time, and he made mistakes in how much he objectified her and distanced from her. He saw her as little else but Askr's tool, as Gustav taught him.

He would've spent all the time trying and failing to chase Bruno down to see her merit as more than just 'Summoner'. He spent the whole of the war against Surtr to recognise where he went wrong, and to realize the blessings he took for granted, especially with her. And as he was cursed by Hel, left to think he was doomed to die, Erin was there to soothe him and care for him, even as his own father already ruled him out as a lost cause. He knew that Gustav paid with his life for his, but he still remembered the sharp bite in her and Ryoma's words to him that it took to get there. It's a small wonder why Lif spent this new life trying to repeatedly break himself just to atone and change fate.

All of this, and yet, the Erin of his time still couldn't bring herself to forgive him. In the last moments of her life, she soothed and encouraged him right to the very end, and she saw the way he realized how much he loved her, too little too late. It would've been well enough to just leave him behind as a dear friend and ally, but… she indulged him at the last minute, leaving him with a love snuffed out just as soon as Lif recognized it. Just to get her last chance of breaking him one more time when her own heart had already died by then to give a damn… Instead of die as a dear friend Lif realized too late he took for granted, she died as someone he loved far too late, who was taken from him far too soon, and who truthfully hated him to the very end.

She was, to put it simply, a very vengeful, spiteful bitch. 

"Erin…?"

She blinked. Once again, Lif loomed over her to look to her face. She could see the heavy worry in his eyes, and as she brushed aside the thoughts of just how much she hated herself, he was fussing over her and brushing her bangs out of the way of her eyes.

"Your heartbeat quickened suddenly… Are you alright?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, it's nothing…" She couldn't hide how flustered she was, but fortunately for her, Lif mistook it as her feeling distracted from the way he smothered her. With how she reached over and rubbed his cheek, he was even more certain he guessed right.

“Is this really still ok…?” He gave her such a tender look. He suffered so much already as it were…

"Yeah, yeah, c'mere…" So she drew him in. She wasn't going to tell him the truth. She wasn't going to hurt him a second time.

Not when her feelings for him changed so heavily now. 

She lured him closer. He still hesitated, but as she invited him, he leaned down more at her prompts. They first met up at a soft, gentle kiss to the lips, but it took little time for Lif to be the first to press for more.

He got hungrier, greedier, and while he didn't completely shift his full weight down to crush her, he held her by the cheek as his kisses grew deeper and heated.

Erin's mind was hazier. She felt like there was something she was forgetting, and as Lif continued his affections, moving from attacking her mouth, to kissing and sucking along her neck, she felt quickly uncomfortable and distracted by the thought getting stronger. 

Initially, she felt frustrated with herself as she quickly lost steam just as Lif was regaining confidence, but then she became much more aware of something slowly coiling around her leg, and she felt needle-like pricks at her neck suddenly.

"Lif, wait…!" 

"Wha…?" He sighed out his words, but immediately stopped. He was already keyed up and inclined to worry for Erin's sake anyways, but when he grounded himself as he pulled away, his eyes widened as he looked back to Erin's neck and saw tiny red dots that slowly grew more obvious and vibrant.

His breathing became uneven and visible as blue puffs of smog. He felt his own face, and he was horrified when, instead of his skin, it hardened to near leather and sharp steel, immediately telling him his lower face fully transformed. Erin no longer felt her leg coiled at, but it did little to help Lif's nerves to find out he sprouted a long tail.

That's right. He wasn't undead anymore, nor did he belong to Hel, but he wasn't completely human either. No matter what joy he could find in his newfound life, even as a manakete, he couldn't completely forget what became of him well before Erin and the others saved him. 

Unlike other manaketes who were much more stabilized in their other forms, Lif's was constantly at war between what part of him remained human, and when he would be a beast. When this first came to light, he used to think it was because he didn't quite start off human in the first place that led to why both his forms would so easily try to override one another if his mood spiked too much, let alone if he willingly chose to transform.

The realization hit him in full force right then that it wasn't just negative thoughts either. If he allowed himself even too much happiness, his body would turn against him and change anyways, just to spitefully remind him of what he _really_ was. The mutated form Hel turned him into had merely adapted, but didn't completely leave him. What used to be a mask, gauntlets and pieces of armor were now permanent fixtures on him whenever he transformed like this.

What hurt the most was that even when partially transformed, he was strongly aware how dangerous he was. Erin stopped him just in time to only prick her with the very tip of his fangs along his new muzzle. If she was any later, and had he been any more heated, he could've torn her throat out by accident.

After all this… he could've still lost her. He could've _killed_ her, just as Hel planned for him from the beginning.

He was pretty sure he tried to say something, but all that came out was him choking out an incoherent sob. He was horrified and disgusted with himself. He could've murdered his beloved all while trying to make love with her, and if he didn't disgust Erin enough with his new looks, surely, he killed the mood of the night as it is for what his fangs did.

"Hey."

He tried again to speak. He _would've_ said he needed to go right then, but he was at a loss for words, and far too overwhelmed with the grim reality of what he nearly did. Erin knew he wasn't in the best position to speak, so she didn't wait for that.

She took a different approach instead.

"Lif, don't go." Again, her voice remained gentle. She held his cheek and redirected him back to look at her. Though he resisted initially, he didn't have it in his heart to completely resist her, and he folded.

He looked back to her. While his eyes dulled in his fear and guilt, he didn't ignore the way Erin looked back to him with nothing but warmth and love. He was reminded again how much warmer she was now compared to the look she gave him the last time, even if the reason still (mercifully) went over his head. He flinched when she moved closer, but froze in remaining still, as if still expecting he was one bad step away from hurting her.

"It'll be ok." She was close enough to kiss him, mindful of where to peck him without cutting her lip in the process. He still seemed far from convinced, but Erin was stubborn, and her tone was soothing.

No it won’t. Could he even touch her at this point without cutting her open somehow? If he repeated what he just did a moment ago, no doubt, he’d cut an artery somewhere.

...But gods did he wish it were otherwise…

“Do you trust me?”

He hesitated. For the question itself, he had no real doubts. But for what inspired the question, he could see she was reading him, but he wasn’t sure where she was going with it.

“...More than I can describe.”

“Then relax, strip, and lay down.”

...Where _was_ she going with this? 

Surely, she’s aware of his current form right then..?

And yet, he did as he was asked. 

His shirt was easy enough to unbutton and slip off. His pants had already partially slipped down in making way when the base of his tail grew in, the tip of which flicked and thumped against the mattress every so often, but neither of them thought heavily of it. What he wore under his pants was equally partially slipped down, and the base of his shaft was just visible, but he hesitated the longest at slipping it off the rest of the way. The hesitation grew especially when the more he exposed himself, the more he exposed either black scales visibly similar to his former cohort armor, or glowing, blue, gel-like skin that exposed pure energy in place of what used to be ectoplasm in the past. He was at least relieved he wouldn’t kill the mood more of giving a full glimpse of his skeleton anymore, but for what he _did_ show off, it was still bad enough. Was she really going to appreciate a shaft that glowed about as vividly as the majority of his chest? Doubtful.

As he faltered on stripping from his boxers, he looked to Erin and focused on her instead. She was confident, and she took far less time to strip out of just a bit more than he had. She even found a bottle that took him longer than he was proud of to recognize it was a salve-variant of vulnerary. It was everything he wished he could've done better to take charge, just like her.

Except… even in the face of his changes, his inexperience, or his insecurities, it was somewhat inspiring to see her press on anyways. She acted as if he hadn't changed at all, or at least, it barely mattered. It left him curious and just a bit more hopeful not to give up completely.

"You still up for it?" A finger hooked just under the top of his boxers, not quite slipping them down, but telling him more than enough of where her plans lay.

A mutant freak like him? Did she _really_ not care? It felt easier to fool even himself, but… should he…

...No. He had this debate far too many times. 

Between this and debating whether or not he was technically stealing her from the Alfonse of this time, he had to remind himself of his resolve.

He nodded to Erin and gave himself to her. His feelings weren't quite strong enough to leave him hard, but it was still too potent to be fully human again either. 

But if Erin would still have him, so be it.

He breathed out a low gasp that just barely avoided becoming a moan. He felt immediately embarrassed over just how quickly she could get a rise out of him, especially when the most she did was fondle and rub his shaft, spreading the balm all over him. He couldn't help but let out a much more definite moan when the way Erin's hands fondled him left him even more unsure of when she finished lubing him up, and when she started outright toying with him.

His inexperience shined through even more. As Alfonse, he hadn't gotten this far before with anyone he loved. He barely got past the point of making out with them, and in retrospect, with how many times his relationships ended terribly, it was a wonder if getting _that_ far was like a mark of death. Even Erin died at least once as it were…

"Now, relax. Whatever happens tonight, don't overthink it."

He was certain she meant something else, but for a moment, he thought he could fool himself into thinking she read his thoughts.

"E...Eri…" His breathing was shaky. Puffs of blue mist radiated out of his maw every breath, and his eyes were glowing ominously. And yet, she saw through all that to see the timid prince he used to be, who was just as unsure of himself as his shorter counterpart. 

But she made her decision. _This_ Alfonse was _hers,_ mutations be damned.

She laid her claim all over him, starting subtly and gently. His breaths picked up more as she left gentle pecks, starting just above the base of his shaft, then moving up along his stomach and abs. His skin had the texture of a firm, reinforced gel, and it continued to vibrantly glow as Lif's breaths grew harder, and Erin's affection grew more blatant. She got a rise out of him when she outright licked along his abs, sometimes in a slow trail. She got a bigger and desperate moan out of him when she outright bit a chunk of his abs. It wasn't hard enough to tear into his skin, but it was still just enough to pinch the area as she teased it with her tongue.

He whined. He squirmed a little under the attention. It wasn't that he hated it, but he felt even more frustrated just how easily she could make him melt, all while he was too afraid to even hold her out of fear of hurting her. The most he trusted himself was coiling his tail around her leg again, but he proved his fears sound as he gripped the sheets, threatening to easily shred them with his talon-like nails every squeeze.

He finally did just that when Erin grabbed and fondled his breasts, and despite at least _trying_ to keep composed, he outright let slip a cry when Erin took in a mouthful of one of his breasts and sucked at it. He was pretty sure he not only tore into the sheets, but into the mattress as well in his grip.

Bruno never got this far. Ryoma barely got just a bit farther with him before, but nothing like this yet. And back then, they had him while he was still whole and human.

He was cursed. He was broken. His body was so horribly mutated, and even now, he couldn't escape this whenever his emotions flared. And in the heat of something like this, he was well past any hope of pretending to be human for the rest of the night.

Why? Why was she doing this? She had an Alfonse who was more whole than him, more complete than him, and yet…?

"Mine."

His thoughts were clouded, but he tried to refocus on her. Every breath was harsh enough to feel the powerful tremors as his chest pounded. Every breath he took was like a whine, and it only grew stronger into outright moans when Erin caught him off guard long enough to go for his throat in her rough kissing.

Despite the ridges, and despite looking vaguely like the armored cuff of his more battle-ready self, his skin was still sensitive enough to feel her. It was just as soft and leathery as much of the black texture of his muzzle, and he could feel every heated breath Erin huffed at his skin, to every rough smooch she stamped his throat with. The noises she drove out of him only strengthened her resolve.

"Mine." She breathed into his ear next, repeating her proclamation from before. The bladed horns overlapping them did little to dissuade her. "I want every inch of you. I want to feel all of you. _I want you._ "

He wanted to protest, but perhaps she knew what to expect. In his attempt to point out the obvious, she went for his throat again. The words of his self-loathing were immediately lost amidst his loud moans and cries. They only spiked more when she grabbed and squished either of his breasts into her hands, and he could feel the heat when her own breasts squished against him.

She couldn't love him like this. It was dangerous. What if he wound up hurting her? What if he lost her again…?

"There we go… Don't worry so much. _There's_ the confidence I was looking for."

With his thoughts heading the complete opposite direction she was praising him for, he took pause long enough to realize his fingers suddenly felt wet.

To his horror, he realized that in the heat of the moment, he loosened his grip on the sheets and mattress in favor of grabbing her by her sides. It wasn't deep, but as he feared, he scratched her with his claws just enough to mark her and make her bleed.

"Shhh, shh, it's alright. That's why we prepared first." She tried to soothe him before he could form the words amidst his harsh breaths and panicked whines. Before he could calm his breathing enough to speak, he saw the effects of more vulnerary she likely drank beforehand, noticing his claw marks immediately ease and heal away from her body.

"Erin…!"

"Lif, it'll be alright. Like I said before: trust me." 

He wanted to. He didn't want to go back on his word, yet he was still scared, and didn't expect _this_ to be the point she tried to make of it.

She laced her fingers in between his. He hesitated to follow through in his grasp, but with how tender she looked to him, and how much she tried to encourage him, he eased into the gesture in full. 

"I-I need you…" By this point, Erin could clearly feel the _other_ way he meant his words, but the pleading tone and look he gave went beyond his physical needs. He _wanted_ her _._ He _needed_ her. He saw and felt how much she tried to give him back the worth he long lost, and while he still had a long way to go, he tried to trust her more right then to embrace her more in kind.

She followed through with it. He moaned when they became one. He was clumsy at first, but as she started a rhythm, he tried to match hers in thrusts. If not just for the pleasure of it all, he was even more glad how patient she was of him when he was still far too lost and uncertain to take charge this time. 

His grip in his hands tightened, and she followed through similarly. He long since lost all self-awareness of what kind of sounds she pumped out of him, but he had definitely made his feelings clear all throughout the night. His only regret was he still sapped away at Erin's body heat when he still couldn't generate his own, but even as his body gave all the warmth and comfort of fucking a pile of snow, Erin was well past the point of giving a shit.

He felt his tension build up, but Erin still comforted him throughout the whole process of working him up. He was pretty sure he dug his talons into the back of her palms, but she soothed him in ways he focused away from it, all as she planned. There wasn't a single moment in the entire time the two united that Erin would allow his mind to drift anymore toward being worthless and unwanted. She worked him up between teases and rougher grips, until he finally felt himself fully release into her.

There was a long pause as both tried to catch their breaths and regain themselves first. She could feel every inch of him trembling or pulsing otherwise, and Lif was the most heavily aware of the heat from her walls while he still remained inside of her. She was the first to loosen their grips at either of their hands, but she took her time to rub her fingers along the palms of his hands. In his lingering haziness, he still remembered not to try to kiss her with a muzzle of razor sharp fangs, but still thought little to open his muzzle just enough to lick her cheek, only realizing what he did much too late, and only after she laughed at him well past the point he could've taken it back.

She disengaged from him. In separating, they unfortunately learned his cum was about as bioluminescent as the plasma that used to replace his blood and still filled up his glowing body. When he realized what he did, he initially panicked over what kind of effect it could have inside of her, but she was quick to ease his fears enough to coax him to regain himself and rest.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Even after she mustered the strength to wash off without incident, Lif kept himself awake long enough to check on her once more. He worried, he fussed, but Erin knew him well enough by then to navigate his nerves.

"Yeah, yeah. Just go to bed, will you?" She still insisted she was fine, and it was hard to argue when nothing seemed amiss otherwise.

At first, he relented, and the two settled beside one another under cleaner linens and a thick blanket to offset the chill of his body. It helped obscure the glow of most of his body except his inner mouth, and in burning herself out, it took little time for Erin to curl up and doze off, nuzzling against his chest.

Even so… it took longer for him, likewise, to do the same. 

In spite of his own exhaustion, he still stayed awake just a little longer. His summoner was safely nestled in his protective embrace, and he'd be hard-pressed to protest against the experience itself, but… did he do enough for her?

She went through great lengths to sooth his nerves. He was still too keyed up to fully change back even then, but now that Erin didn't leave his mind completely on air, he was better able to recognize the strategies she used to help him ease into himself more.

But it made him hesitate. What about her? Did he do enough to please her, too? But in his inexperience and insecurity, he forced her hand in taking charge of the night for them. What if she wanted him take the lead instead? Was she secretly disappointed in him otherwise?

He hesitated when he felt her nuzzle his breasts more in her sleep. Looking down to her, his chest illuminated enough to show him that she wore a tender, content smile, even in her sleep. She felt secured, safe, and satisfied, even at her most vulnerable.

...

Maybe… he didn’t need to be powerful. Not yet. He didn’t want to be feared. He already did plenty of that enough as it were on the battlefield.

What he wanted that night was to feel loved. What he wanted was someone who’d embrace him and treasure him. Someone he could trust that they wouldn’t leave him, be it by choice or circumstance.

Looking at her smile, he realized she knew that, too.

Maybe there would be many more nights he could grow into himself and seek pleasure. But for tonight… he just wanted reassurance, warmth, comfort… no matter how vulnerable it made him.

And Erin gave him that. Not once in the entire night did she make him feel inadequate, and he eased at the thought she wasn't just saving face.

"I love you… my beloved..." He whispered to her. Whether or not she heard it, he still felt better to tell her, just before he sighed and shifted a little to try to fall asleep with her.


End file.
